After vacay thoughts and feelings

We had such a fantastic week in Disney, the quad plus Gun’s and my kids. We stayed at the Animal Kingdom “time share” that Bob and Lexxi have. The place was amazing. We spent 8 days relaxing and wandering the 4 parks and shopping at Disney Springs. Because the kids were there, we had to be careful with the 4 of us. We were able to swap bedrooms 2 of the nights while there and one when back at our house, but because of sleep schedules and not wanting to risk more than we had to, that was it. We came home exhausted but on a high. The exhaustion was mostly because our flight back in landed just before 1:30am, then we had an hour drive home after getting our luggage. 

Back at work, I started to feel off. I blamed it on a combination of PMS and drop. I generally don’t get depressed or anxious, at least not for any prolonged or in-depth periods of time, but I do find I get into somewhat self-deprecating moods. I don’t give a shit about what food or drink I put into my body, or what I do (or more don’t do) exercise wise. I know I shouldn’t get like this, but I do, and I was in full force last week, after our holidays.

My “off-mess” since then has mostly subsided, but it’s recently started to be replaced by a feeling I know all too well: submissive longing. Even though I just saw Bob for the better part of 10 days during our vacation, I had to suppress a lot of my submissive side the entire week. Yes, I did what I could whenever I could, it’s probably one reason I felt the need to handle the meal prep and clean up. I hate that shit with a passion, but it’s a way to serve my loved ones. Though I know I need to learn to either ask for help or not jump so quickly as I had a small breakdown one evening, and it sprung itself upon me at one of the worst times; during a very full bus ride back to our unit from Magic Kingdom. Thankfully my kids were hidden behind people standing in front of me, and that Lexxi saw what was going on with me. She and Bob switched seats so he could give me some comfort then. 

It’s been a month and a half since I could really steep myself in my submission though. I’ve had some instances since then, but they were limited: Bob and I got to finally do our “greeting” ritual on our last night together after we got back home, and I’ve had a couple of tastes when with Erik but that’s more our connection than anything “formal”, so really it hasn’t been anything that has completely fulfilled me for any length of time. It’s one of the things I have the most difficulty with honestly. I’ve figured out a lot about myself the last couple of years, but it definitely tests my patience. Especially when it surrounds a lot of my social media accounts. I guess that’s also why I don’t go on in-depth on a couple of them much anymore, and I’ve taken a lot of notifications off of people’s accounts…I look when I feel ready to. 

Ultimately I’m wanting to really let go. I’m wanting to fly. I’m starting to get to that point where I need pain. I’m also feeling the gut wrenching need to be torn wide open and rebuilt again. 

Patience girl…patience…

*reblog * The Quad – My Poly Origins (Krys) —

Since Venice and Ryan asked if The Quad could contribute […] The post The Quad – My Poly Origins (Krys) appeared first on .

via The Quad – My Poly Origins (Krys) —

Hey, it’s me!  Friends of ours asked the quad to contribute to their blog.  In the recent past we’ve introduced ourselves, answered a reader question, and this time I detailed how I came to realize I was polyamorous.  Check it out!  Also check out the other stuff on their blog, if you haven’t already.


My brain these days…

I’m sorry for the recent blog blitz but this has been an interesting couple of months, both happenings wise, and mental figuring my shit out wise.  I’ve now posted the happenings recaps, so this blog is the mental one.  I’ve had some very intense feelings in my relationships with each of the men in my life, and have done a lot of internal soul searching in the process. Continue reading

Three Years and Counting!

The end of last month, January 26th to be exact, was the 3 year anniversary from when our Quad met.  I’ve explained it in a much earlier blog of mine, but here’s a quick refresher; we’d all been chatting on Twitter for a few months, along with some other couples, and a few of us decided to go to a meet and greet weekend at a hotel in Niagara Falls.  There were 6 couples that went.  Gun and I clicked right away with Bob and Lexxi and we ended up talking most of the day and evening, and hooked up that night.  From then we made monthly-ish visits to each others houses and after a few months we all noticed that our feelings had been deepening to something beyond friendship. Continue reading

Quad weekend: discussions, lessons, and spending quality time 

This past weekend was a quad weekend, but it was much more than that to me. It was also when Bob and I were going to sit down and have an in depth discussion about our D/s relationship.

It rained for the majority of our 5 hour drive, especially as we got closer to Bob and Lexxi’s place. Once we got there around 11pm, the dogs had their reunion, as did we. Having a drink or two as we stood around the kitchen (us, not the dogs 😉). Continue reading

The long weekend with the quad 

This past weekend we celebrated Lexxi’s birthday. It was a good week and a half early, but timing wise it fit well, it was a long weekend, and we wouldn’t see her again until after it. Since our boys were staying at Gun’s parents place, so I’d also been promised a session from Bob. We got to their place just after 11pm on Friday evening. We exchanged greetings, and settled in the backyard around the fire pit, with a drink, while our dogs all said their hello’s and played. 

Bob showed us all his most recent purchase – vampire gloves. They were black gloves with tacks basically imbedded in the fingers. It’s a sensation play toy. 

He had mentioned to me that he was going to use them on me that night, so he brought me inside. He grabbed a grey cushion and led me to Lexxi’s dressing room. I realized quickly that the cushion was mine. I didn’t know he’d gotten one for me, so I was very humbly pleased. I was also amused as the cushion that Erik has for me at his house is also grey lol. He told me to strip. I then knelt on the cushion and put my hands on my knees. Hearing Bob move behind me, I just closed my eyes and absorbed the atmosphere. The pin pricks of the gloves started light and slow. I knew he wasn’t going to do much in the way of marking me that night as we were going for a photo shoot on Sunday. His hands dragged across my back, up and down my arms, around my breasts, thighs, and ass. I was moaning the whole time, it felt so good. He carefully squeezed my shoulders. When his fingers trailed down the back of my neck, I groaned loudly and shivered. Goddamn that felt amazing. “You like that, don’t you kitten?” he asked me. I moaned out a “yes.” He did it again and again. I felt my body getting more tense, that string inside me drawing tighter. The thought that fluttered into my brain at that moment was that if someone said “come for me” right then, I would have, a pretty big one too. Bob kept caressing me all over with those gloves, sometimes giving me a light tap on the butt, and I did have a small orgasm, and came close to cumming again. I did use the new safe word that Bob introduced to Lexxi and I to a few times (“purple” meaning keep going, but no harder/more intense than you’re going now, where “yellow” is move on from that but keep the scene going). When my breathing got more ragged, he stopped the scene and sat in the chair in front of me. I laid my head in his lap while he stroked my hair, calming me down. He then brought me into his bedroom and proceeded to fuck me soundly. With the glove play just finished, my body was super sensitive. I actually came from him biting my nipples (and those who know me, know that NEVER happens). I definitely loved those gloves 😍.

The next day Lexxi and I ran a few errands, then after lunch Bob brought me to the local independent sex shop. He was looking for rope and/or a new flogger. He asked me if I saw anything that interested me. My reply was along the lines of “what doesn’t interest me?” Lol. He ended up buying a new cat o’nine tails flogger for his photo shoot, and to play with after 😏. That evening there was a barbecue with some friends we’ve met before, and some new friends that Bob and Lexxi have made from attending local poly meet ups through Fetlife. We had a blast. I really enjoyed meeting them, and have a feeling we’ll see them again. 

Sunday morning we headed out to an abandoned mill for a photo shoot. We were there for about 5 hours, and only stayed on 1 floor of the main building for the shots (there are at least 3 buildings, 3-5 stories each). After heading home, we ordered pizza, then Lexxi and Gun went to walk down by the water, then go hang out at one of the poly friends places. 

Bob took me down to their basement. He told me to strip as he got out the wrist restraints that he made. There was a hook in the ceiling of their laundry room. He left me standing there, hands over my head, while he went to get his chosen implements. I noticed a wall of rackets in front of me, and thought of the possibility of having one of those whacked across my ass. When he came back downstairs, he placed a blind fold on me, and proceeded to start my session. You see, I had tweeted a week or two ago about how I wanted bruises that only I could see. He told me that he would happily do that for me. He used the vampire gloves, ice, different floggers (a soft one, 2 rubber ones, and the cat o’nine tails), and even a racket. I mentioned that a towel under foot would be an idea as I could feel the slipperiness from the melted ice. I also let him know when I was starting to feel light headed, it seemed like standing and having my hands up contributed to that, and only allowed me to be able to take so much from him. When my breathing was starting to hitch, he gently took my hands down and lead me very slowly to the couch in the other room. We sat while I calmed down and he soothed me. Once I had regained my composure, I got redressed and we went out back again. The rest of the evening was relaxing. 

Gun and I got home Sunday evening, after a busy drive, and picking up the kids. 

It was a great weekend, meeting new friends, seeing some we’ve met before, and of course, the 4 of us spending time together. 

Quad Weekend recap – Bob’s Birthday Bash

My hubby Gun leaves today on a work trip, and he won’t be back home until next week Friday. This will be the first time we’ll he apart for that long since we moved into the same house over 19 years ago. I’m happy he’s getting this opportunity, and know I’ll be fine at home with our boys. Funny enough, what I’m really not looking forward to is his dog being completely lost without him lol. Though I can’t deny, I’m also not looking forward to going without sex for that long. That’ll be the longest break since we opened up. I guess we’ll see what happens, and how squirrelly I’m going 😉 Continue reading