My Style of Polyamory

I’ve been thinking lately about polyamory, and the way I do poly.  My wants and needs within relationships.  A lot of it has come from learning about myself over the last 5 years especially.  I really didn’t date when I was younger.  I’ve recently been asked why, and well, it’s really because nobody asked me.  I was shy and didn’t initiate conversations much, and I went to an arts intensive high school where there were approximately 700 girls to 400 guys, and the straight guys were snapped up pretty quickly.  Heck, all the guys were really lol.  My hubby was the second guy I dated, and it was over 21 years ago that we met.  So, when I asked to open our relationship, I didn’t know what I wanted really…but I’ve figured some things out. Continue reading

#PolyProbs – Timing 

I think the most frustrating thing I find about polyamory is timing. Even when sharing Google calendars amongst your partners, nothing is straight forward. 

If I’m free and one of my partners isn’t. Or perhaps then I make plans only to find out he is free after all. If plans aren’t somewhat proactively made, it could be weeks or longer bereeen getting to spend time together. Plus for me, knowing when I’ll be seeing them again is something to look forward to (which is why we usually plan quad weekends in 3-6 month ahead chunks).

If there’s been something I’m wanting to discuss then I might need to sit on it for a while as the partner I want to talk to could be busy, or perhaps it’s better to be talked about in person which means weeks could possibly pass before it can be relayed and hashed out. Though if it’s important than I usually try to find a way to text and talk in the mean time, or else I’ll just stew and overthink it which is never good. 

Space is another big problem we face a lot, but that’s a whole other post…

This thought started out as a tweet, but quickly grew to more than 140 characters lol. 

Threesomes? Meh…

Maybe I’m off or out of the norm here, but I have zero interest in FMF or FFM threesomes. I’m not sure why really, but group sex as a whole hasn’t been a draw for me for a while now.

It’s not that I’ve had any bad experiences. To the contrary, every group experience I’ve been in, be it 3, 4, or more, has been fun. I’ve enjoyed myself thoroughly. I’m just finding Continue reading

Fluid bonded and condoms *post from Fetlife*

The following post showed up in my Fetlife timeline today and I found it very interesting. It made total sense to me, but had ways of defining fluid bonding that honestly I hadn’t before thought that in-depth about. This has been directly copied and pasted, and linked, with the permission of the author. 

Trblemaker’s original post on Fetlife
“So follow me on a little trip if you will. For sometime now, I have been at odds with the idea that “fluid bonding” only takes place during “unprotected” intercourse. I have struggled to see this as being true. I know some are going “Hold up a sec, what do you mean!?!?!” Just follow along, and maybe you will see what I mean.

So lets say I meet a girl, we shall call her….Samantha…Samantha Carter…hahahhaa, where are all my SG fans. Ok, back on track.

So Sam and I hit it off, and we decide to start dating. We go out a couple of times, and things are really good between the two of us. On one date, she decides to give me head before we go to dinner.No condom is used, and she takes down every drop I have to give. Are we now “fluid bonded?”

Now after dinner and a nice night out, we are back at her place, and one thing leads to another, and I decide to give her head.Again no condom is used and I do this until she is a soaking mess. Making sure to drink in as much of her as I can. Are we now bonded now?

The night ends, there is no “intercourse” on this night. Now I am sure for many reading this, they are going” Nope, you are not bonded, because you did not cum in her cunt.” But wait, did she not drink down all that I could give her? Did I not do the same to her?

We continue to date, and after a few more dates, we both find out that we are into “water sports.” (Oh I so just heard a bunch of you go “That’s just nasty!”)So one thing leads to another, and she allows me to piss all over her, and I her on me.Lets say that we even drink in a little of each other. Mind you, we have yet to have physical intercourse. Are we bonded now?

Now lets say that we are about two or three months into our relationship, and we decide that we want to scene together. So we do all our negotiations, and we decide that blood play will be ok, if skin is broken. Well in the mist of our play, I break her skin. She starts to bleed, and I decide to lick up her blood. (hahahahah more “nasty”) Are we bonded now?

So Sam and I have done all of these things now. We have enjoyed a great relationship up to this point. We have done all kinds of things to each other except have physical intercourse. So we decide that it is time for us to take that step in our relationship. Now the condom comes into play.

In talking about this next step, we agree that we are not ready to be “fluid bonded” to each other, so condoms are a must. Beside they help to prevent any STDS that might be out there. Mind you, we have already seen each others tests, and we are both clean. Oh but there is the chance we might get pregnant if we do not use them. Ok, well I have been fixed for 11 years now, and Sam for 6. Or maybe she is just on the pill.

I bring up all of these “what ifs” areas, because here is where my struggles with the idea of fluid bonding comes from.
See I personally believe that the moment you decide to “open mouth” kiss me, or to give me any form of oral sex, and I decide to do the same to you, and there is ANY fluid exchange. Well we are now fluid bonded!

At this point, I have drank in as much of you as I possibly can, so if you have something that did not show on your test, chances are pretty good, that I now have it! Now we are bonded, and that leaves me with one question….

What is the point of using a condom now?

Now I know a lot of people are going to be like… “Dude, WTF!?!?!” But before you blast me with your comments, just take a moment to think about what I am saying.

Now if you are the type of person that ensures that some form of protection is used in any and all sexual encounters, then this might not make much sense to you. But if you are the type that only sees a condom for use in intercourse….well….

Thank you for taking time to read this.

Trble”

My brain these days…

I’m sorry for the recent blog blitz but this has been an interesting couple of months, both happenings wise, and mental figuring my shit out wise.  I’ve now posted the happenings recaps, so this blog is the mental one.  I’ve had some very intense feelings in my relationships with each of the men in my life, and have done a lot of internal soul searching in the process. Continue reading

Three Years and Counting!

The end of last month, January 26th to be exact, was the 3 year anniversary from when our Quad met.  I’ve explained it in a much earlier blog of mine, but here’s a quick refresher; we’d all been chatting on Twitter for a few months, along with some other couples, and a few of us decided to go to a meet and greet weekend at a hotel in Niagara Falls.  There were 6 couples that went.  Gun and I clicked right away with Bob and Lexxi and we ended up talking most of the day and evening, and hooked up that night.  From then we made monthly-ish visits to each others houses and after a few months we all noticed that our feelings had been deepening to something beyond friendship. Continue reading

Neediness

I am an only child, one who was extremely shy growing up.  I did almost everything by myself and really didn’t feel like I needed anyone else.  I’ve always been staunchly independent and still shake my head at women who can’t seem to do anything for themselves, or always have to have someone with them.

I enjoy my own company.  Overall, I like myself.

I ended up marrying a man who isn’t too big on showing affection.  If he’s like that because of how I was when we met or not, I’m not sure, but he’s not big on PDA’s or the need to be with me 24/7 (that last one would annoy me anyhow).  He doesn’t like to go shopping, so I’ve never really asked him to.  Plus it’s easier to get certain things done when he’s not there…he’s a worse impulse buyer than I am at times.  I really don’t have a problem with any of this, I’m writing it here more to give you background on myself.

The thing is, since we started our non-monogamous journey, I’ve discovered that I enjoy attention, showing affection.  I’m not sure if it’s a side effect of my ever crumbling outer shy walls, or something I’ve learned about myself.  Probably a combination of the two.  Either way, there seem to be parts of me that crave it, need it.  These feelings seem to come out stronger when I’m hormonal and PMSing, or if I’m in the throes of sub drop.  I find myself conflicted; not wanting to admit that I need anyone, but basically screaming on the inside that I do. These feelings seemed to have gotten stronger since I’ve been uncovering my submissive side.  When I’m feeling this, I’m not sure how to handle it.  I tend to try stuffing it back down, and to soothe myself with activities I enjoy, like colouring, having some wine or chocolate, a hot bath, or snuggling with my husband.  I breathe deeply, and push through, as I know it will pass.  It sort of helps, but I can’t deny that it also makes me feel somewhat lonelier…

Polyamorous Hierarchy Labels

Primary. Secondary. What do they mean? Do I believe in these labels?

To those who look at my relationships and lifestyle, they’d say I have one primary relationship, and a few secondary ones.

By definition (thanks Wikipedia) “Primary and secondary (and occasionally tertiary) are words used by some polyamorists to distinguish between different degrees of relationship and to describe participants in those relationships (e.g. “John is my primary”). Continue reading