Wow, it’s been a while since I actually wrote anything on here, other than the 30 days of kink thing, which I finished. Yay me! Continue reading
I’m sorry for the recent blog blitz but this has been an interesting couple of months, both happenings wise, and mental figuring my shit out wise. I’ve now posted the happenings recaps, so this blog is the mental one. I’ve had some very intense feelings in my relationships with each of the men in my life, and have done a lot of internal soul searching in the process. Continue reading
The end of last month, January 26th to be exact, was the 3 year anniversary from when our Quad met. I’ve explained it in a much earlier blog of mine, but here’s a quick refresher; we’d all been chatting on Twitter for a few months, along with some other couples, and a few of us decided to go to a meet and greet weekend at a hotel in Niagara Falls. There were 6 couples that went. Gun and I clicked right away with Bob and Lexxi and we ended up talking most of the day and evening, and hooked up that night. From then we made monthly-ish visits to each others houses and after a few months we all noticed that our feelings had been deepening to something beyond friendship. Continue reading
I am such a lucky girl, to have so many supportive and caring people around me. I’m starting this post out this way because I know that without them, I would never be on my way to discovering a side of myself I was surprised even existed.
When I defined a side of my relationship with Bob, that he’s my Dom and I’m one of his subs (along with Lexxi), things became strained in my burgeoning relationship with Erik. From what I understand, in being a Dom himself, he wasn’t sure how having two very dominant men in my life, along with my husband, would work. In my mind, because I don’t live with either Bob or Erik, and because their styles are so different, I thought that it could work. Though, that could have also been my wishful thinking.
Bob and Erik started chatting, and seemed to come to understanding each other a little better. Bob had no problem with Erik helping me explore my sub side, he just asked to be notified of any “plans”. At this point, they’d met once, but Bob hadn’t been feeling great, so they’d only gotten a vague feeling of each other in person. They met again at Gun’s birthday, but the up and down weather and a nagging sickness weren’t Bob’s friend, so they didn’t really talk much that day. Within a few weeks though, things seemed to have settled down. I had gotten a few tasks from Bob, and been teased by both guys about various implements being used on me.
The weekend before last, I went to Erik and Mia’s house on Saturday night to hang out, while Gun and his surprise visitor Lilly had an evening to themselves (albeit with our kids upstairs and the dogs home, but it sounds like they made the best of it though 😃). We talked, watched a movie, and talked some more. Mia made a not so subtle excuse to head to bed and left Erik and I alone. I ended up on display in a way I’d never really been before, naked with my hands on my head, being looked at and touched from every angle. It kind of surprised me that I didn’t feel self conscious about it. I felt appreciated, safe, sensual, and very turned on. I was told near the end of the night that I had passed the audition. I questioned Erik on that, and his reply was that I was someone who he’d enjoy playing with (in a more D/s role, opposed to the more bf/gf play we’d been mostly doing). When I recounted the night to Bob, as my Dom he liked what he’d heard.
Last week Mia asked if I was doing anything on Saturday evening, that she had been thinking of going to see a movie Erik didn’t want to see, and that if I was free, could go hang out with him at their house. I wasn’t, so made plans with Erik to go over there after I had dinner with Gun and our boys. I let Bob and Lexxi know of my plans as well (since any meet is notified to all of the quad). On Friday Gun suggested that Mia come hang at our house and watch movies, instead of going out alone, and she thought it was a good idea. I had been trying not to think too in depth of what may or may not happen with Erik on Saturday night. I don’t like setting unrealistic expectations, I’ve had way too many dashed in the past. He did tease me a bit though, in mentioning a few things, most particularly floggers. One other reason I was hesitant in having any expectations was because I didn’t know what, if anything, was being communicated to Bob. I don’t think I’d be able to fully relax if I didn’t know he was aware of the basics of things. In a part of a conversation with Erik on Saturday, I asked in a roundabout way if he knew, and he answered affirmatively in his own roundabout way. It was enough to put my mind at ease.
As we had discussed, Mia was still there when I arrived. We all chatted for a few minutes, then she headed off to my house. I’m not going to go into the finer details of what happened, the parties that need to know, do, but rest assured it was an enjoyable evening. I was left a very shaky, wet, happy, flogged, sated body laying on the floor. Lol. Afterward Erik and I shared a bath in their big jacuzzi tub. He washed me down with a delightfully scented body wash, and we talked, cuddled, made out, and talked some more. After that and a cup of tea, it was time for me to head home. Mia and Gun had been talking all evening and she was still there when I arrived home. We said our goodbye’s, hugged, and she left.
In our chats last week, Erik was trying to describe his poly side and his Dom side, how they were on different levels. I can definitely see that, with the sub side of myself that I’m uncovering. The level of trust is all encompassing, the emotion very deep. The thing is, I’m finding that I’m feeling that with two men, and under that, I have my rock, my husband. It’s unconventional, and not a common thing. Neither Dom’s live with me, one is 5 hours away, the other is an hour away. It will be rare occasions that I see them at the same time. They both approach things differently. There’s still a lot of talking that needs to happen, stuff needs to be worked out on all sides. But maybe this can work…
I tweeted the other day about how I feel like a walking contradiction these days. I had simultaneously felt the strong want to go dancing, to let loose, and be free, while I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about submission, being controlled, restrained, and guided. Continue reading
A week ago I was thrown a curve ball, but a lot has transpired since then. I have learned some things about myself, and others I care about. Continue reading
I’m honestly not sure what I’m feeling right now. Last night was quite the roller-coaster of emotions for me, and I know I’ll be feeling the fallout for a while yet. Continue reading
Last weekend I was introduced to the roller derby. Not through the movies, I went to a real live roller derby match (well matches, there were 2 bouts that evening). How was it? you ask. In a word: awesome!
Last Monday my hubby Gun left on a business trip to the United States. The trip is for 11 days, so he’s not coming back until this coming Friday. Before he agreed to go on this trip, I had made a date with the guy I’ve been seeing. Let’s call him Erik. Gun told me to keep the date, and invite him over, so I did. Continue reading