Life, the universe, and everything

Here I sit, with a couple of hours left being 41, thinking of the past year in my life. 

It started off amazing on so many levels. Health, love, a couple of proposals of sorts, and fun. Unfortunately a few things started to skew within a few months. On the good side, I accepted a collar, went camping, made new friends, and nurtured some loves. On the bad side, a part of a relationship was dropped without discussion and the subsequent silence confused me greatly. 

I’m also at war internally. I’ve let myself fall back into some old unhealthy habits and over the past couple of years have regained most of the 75lbs I worked so hard to lose. That in itself has been a not-good mind fuck on me. Add in feeling not good enough in so many regards, it compounded…even with the good I have in my life, I’m still quite unbalanced, though I’m recognizing it and am trying to fight for myself. 

What will age 42 bring me? The top of my list of requests is a new job. I know that’s an underlying shit storm and that string is about to break after so many years of  being truly unappreciated. 

Beyond that…I dunno. I’ve learned so much about myself as a submissive over the past 12 months (that’s the side of me I really didn’t know before), that in ways I feel like a different person. I know what I need to thrive better, and that it isn’t an easy side of myself. She’s needy, and those who really want to embrace her can’t take her lightly. 

Will this year be the answer to things for me? Only time will tell… 

The long weekend with the quad 

This past weekend we celebrated Lexxi’s birthday. It was a good week and a half early, but timing wise it fit well, it was a long weekend, and we wouldn’t see her again until after it. Since our boys were staying at Gun’s parents place, so I’d also been promised a session from Bob. We got to their place just after 11pm on Friday evening. We exchanged greetings, and settled in the backyard around the fire pit, with a drink, while our dogs all said their hello’s and played. 

Bob showed us all his most recent purchase – vampire gloves. They were black gloves with tacks basically imbedded in the fingers. It’s a sensation play toy. 

He had mentioned to me that he was going to use them on me that night, so he brought me inside. He grabbed a grey cushion and led me to Lexxi’s dressing room. I realized quickly that the cushion was mine. I didn’t know he’d gotten one for me, so I was very humbly pleased. I was also amused as the cushion that Erik has for me at his house is also grey lol. He told me to strip. I then knelt on the cushion and put my hands on my knees. Hearing Bob move behind me, I just closed my eyes and absorbed the atmosphere. The pin pricks of the gloves started light and slow. I knew he wasn’t going to do much in the way of marking me that night as we were going for a photo shoot on Sunday. His hands dragged across my back, up and down my arms, around my breasts, thighs, and ass. I was moaning the whole time, it felt so good. He carefully squeezed my shoulders. When his fingers trailed down the back of my neck, I groaned loudly and shivered. Goddamn that felt amazing. “You like that, don’t you kitten?” he asked me. I moaned out a “yes.” He did it again and again. I felt my body getting more tense, that string inside me drawing tighter. The thought that fluttered into my brain at that moment was that if someone said “come for me” right then, I would have, a pretty big one too. Bob kept caressing me all over with those gloves, sometimes giving me a light tap on the butt, and I did have a small orgasm, and came close to cumming again. I did use the new safe word that Bob introduced to Lexxi and I to a few times (“purple” meaning keep going, but no harder/more intense than you’re going now, where “yellow” is move on from that but keep the scene going). When my breathing got more ragged, he stopped the scene and sat in the chair in front of me. I laid my head in his lap while he stroked my hair, calming me down. He then brought me into his bedroom and proceeded to fuck me soundly. With the glove play just finished, my body was super sensitive. I actually came from him biting my nipples (and those who know me, know that NEVER happens). I definitely loved those gloves 😍.

The next day Lexxi and I ran a few errands, then after lunch Bob brought me to the local independent sex shop. He was looking for rope and/or a new flogger. He asked me if I saw anything that interested me. My reply was along the lines of “what doesn’t interest me?” Lol. He ended up buying a new cat o’nine tails flogger for his photo shoot, and to play with after 😏. That evening there was a barbecue with some friends we’ve met before, and some new friends that Bob and Lexxi have made from attending local poly meet ups through Fetlife. We had a blast. I really enjoyed meeting them, and have a feeling we’ll see them again. 

Sunday morning we headed out to an abandoned mill for a photo shoot. We were there for about 5 hours, and only stayed on 1 floor of the main building for the shots (there are at least 3 buildings, 3-5 stories each). After heading home, we ordered pizza, then Lexxi and Gun went to walk down by the water, then go hang out at one of the poly friends places. 

Bob took me down to their basement. He told me to strip as he got out the wrist restraints that he made. There was a hook in the ceiling of their laundry room. He left me standing there, hands over my head, while he went to get his chosen implements. I noticed a wall of rackets in front of me, and thought of the possibility of having one of those whacked across my ass. When he came back downstairs, he placed a blind fold on me, and proceeded to start my session. You see, I had tweeted a week or two ago about how I wanted bruises that only I could see. He told me that he would happily do that for me. He used the vampire gloves, ice, different floggers (a soft one, 2 rubber ones, and the cat o’nine tails), and even a racket. I mentioned that a towel under foot would be an idea as I could feel the slipperiness from the melted ice. I also let him know when I was starting to feel light headed, it seemed like standing and having my hands up contributed to that, and only allowed me to be able to take so much from him. When my breathing was starting to hitch, he gently took my hands down and lead me very slowly to the couch in the other room. We sat while I calmed down and he soothed me. Once I had regained my composure, I got redressed and we went out back again. The rest of the evening was relaxing. 

Gun and I got home Sunday evening, after a busy drive, and picking up the kids. 

It was a great weekend, meeting new friends, seeing some we’ve met before, and of course, the 4 of us spending time together.