After vacay thoughts and feelings

We had such a fantastic week in Disney, the quad plus Gun’s and my kids. We stayed at the Animal Kingdom “time share” that Bob and Lexxi have. The place was amazing. We spent 8 days relaxing and wandering the 4 parks and shopping at Disney Springs. Because the kids were there, we had to be careful with the 4 of us. We were able to swap bedrooms 2 of the nights while there and one when back at our house, but because of sleep schedules and not wanting to risk more than we had to, that was it. We came home exhausted but on a high. The exhaustion was mostly because our flight back in landed just before 1:30am, then we had an hour drive home after getting our luggage. 

Back at work, I started to feel off. I blamed it on a combination of PMS and drop. I generally don’t get depressed or anxious, at least not for any prolonged or in-depth periods of time, but I do find I get into somewhat self-deprecating moods. I don’t give a shit about what food or drink I put into my body, or what I do (or more don’t do) exercise wise. I know I shouldn’t get like this, but I do, and I was in full force last week, after our holidays.

My “off-mess” since then has mostly subsided, but it’s recently started to be replaced by a feeling I know all too well: submissive longing. Even though I just saw Bob for the better part of 10 days during our vacation, I had to suppress a lot of my submissive side the entire week. Yes, I did what I could whenever I could, it’s probably one reason I felt the need to handle the meal prep and clean up. I hate that shit with a passion, but it’s a way to serve my loved ones. Though I know I need to learn to either ask for help or not jump so quickly as I had a small breakdown one evening, and it sprung itself upon me at one of the worst times; during a very full bus ride back to our unit from Magic Kingdom. Thankfully my kids were hidden behind people standing in front of me, and that Lexxi saw what was going on with me. She and Bob switched seats so he could give me some comfort then. 

It’s been a month and a half since I could really steep myself in my submission though. I’ve had some instances since then, but they were limited: Bob and I got to finally do our “greeting” ritual on our last night together after we got back home, and I’ve had a couple of tastes when with Erik but that’s more our connection than anything “formal”, so really it hasn’t been anything that has completely fulfilled me for any length of time. It’s one of the things I have the most difficulty with honestly. I’ve figured out a lot about myself the last couple of years, but it definitely tests my patience. Especially when it surrounds a lot of my social media accounts. I guess that’s also why I don’t go on in-depth on a couple of them much anymore, and I’ve taken a lot of notifications off of people’s accounts…I look when I feel ready to. 

Ultimately I’m wanting to really let go. I’m wanting to fly. I’m starting to get to that point where I need pain. I’m also feeling the gut wrenching need to be torn wide open and rebuilt again. 

Patience girl…patience…

Masochistic, pain slut thoughts…

Sometimes I think I’m weird. How can someone possibly like pain? Want pain. Crave it. Absolutely need it at times. Well, certain pain anyway. I hate the stabbing pain in my knee I get occasionally when I walk up or down stairs, but whip my ass with a leather strap? Umf…fuck yes. No thanks to the clicking stiffness I get in my shoulder and neck, but scratching up and down my body will make me shiver and moan out loud. Continue reading

*reblog* Making love is…

Oh, hell yes! 😍

The Sermons From The Gutter.

Being able to peel away yet another layer of complexity,

revealing a new layer of sensation,

a new depth of mental intercourse,

a stroking of a new found dendrite,

the penetrating energy surge into yet another of one’s deepest recesses of an already excitable psyche,

the charged contact,

a mere finger tip,

feather like touch,

ignite a fire on a nerve ending,

hot blood rushes, goosebumps ripple over every inch, each one a potential trigger,

tiny staccato orgasms, that make you shiver at first, as they build to almost convulsions,

the erogenous exploration inside and out of an entire being,

of merging at every pore, molecule and atom, transcending into and through each other,

transfigured animal like, violently pounding flesh producing musky heady scent,

relentless in the pursuit of activating every nerve ending and neuron at once,

an electrical surge on impossibly arched back primal scream blurred vision in unimaginable…

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A quick question for all polyamorous people

My question is about overnight dates.

I’m curious what type of relationship you need to be in to feel comfortable enough to have an overnight date. New? Long term and committed? Is a FWB okay?

How invested do you need to be? Do you need to be in love with the person, or perhaps sleeping over with someone isn’t something you want to do at all.

I know everyone is different…maybe it’s the former psych major in me that wonders and asks. 


*update* This question is coming from a place of wanting to understand other points of view. It goes along with some processing I’m doing, but it’s from a positive aspect. Personally, I need to be in love with or deeply connected to the person I spend the night with. Sex is one thing, being vulnerably asleep in one’s arms is another. I find it fascinating to see how others think.