Trying to figure my shit out

I’ve been so down on myself about my weight recently, but also have been having such a hard time keeping balanced overall. I don’t get stressed easily, but I’ve realized that I’ve fallen back to some old coping strategies (namely food) and added others (namely wine), plus jumped into my creativity, to help balance. 

What stress?

My kitten got neutered today. Thankfully, he’s been doing well though. A little slower than his usual self,  but he’s been playful enough to know he’ll be fine. 

Gun and I have been okay, he’s had a somewhat better time at work since he’s been so busy.  It’s good for him, but he’s exhausted at the end of the day, so crashes when we get to bed…quality time has been something we’re trying to fit it in, but it hasn’t been easy. 

Bob/Sir has been awesome but our time is so few and far between since March that I’ve been missing him, our connection, and getting a sound fucking beating for a while now. I’m missing it so much that I’m beyond aching. That side of me is somewhat numb actually. The fact we won’t be able to connect like that until August doesn’t help. It’s like a side of me that’s come to represent so much of my being has gone dormant. I’ve been communicating this with Bob and he’s been great with understanding and doing what he can. The thing is, at a distance there’s only so much anyone can do (have I said before how I really don’t understand online-only relationships?!? To each their own, but in-person connection is imperative for me), but we try.

Erik has just come off a super busy month and a half for himself work wise, just to jump into his wife Mia up for a local council chair which has him running all over the place constantly. We got to spend a few hours together last Saturday which was fantastic. I keep hearing that this summer will be different than last, but honestly the side of myself that’s gone into protective mode since then is really cautious.

Work still sucks ass and has me frustrated, and no calls or emails on jobs at all. 

Needless to say, I’ve been hyper focused on my creative outlets (jewelry making – chainmaille and now wire wrapping too) and churning out products like crazy. I totally LOVE it and would love to do that full time, or even part time with a nominal part time job. Almost anywhere out of where I am. 

Anyway…I’ve been trying…ish.