The Kind of Partner I Need – The Kind of Partner I Need to Be (shared with permission of the author)

I read the following writing on Fetlife by the awesome kinkibella, and she touched on so many points and thoughts I’ve had myself in my polyamorous adventure that I wanted to share it.  She graciously is letting me share this here 🙂

If you have Fetlife, please check out the original post and give it some love ❤ 

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Life, the universe, and everything

Here I sit, with a couple of hours left being 41, thinking of the past year in my life. 

It started off amazing on so many levels. Health, love, a couple of proposals of sorts, and fun. Unfortunately a few things started to skew within a few months. On the good side, I accepted a collar, went camping, made new friends, and nurtured some loves. On the bad side, a part of a relationship was dropped without discussion and the subsequent silence confused me greatly. 

I’m also at war internally. I’ve let myself fall back into some old unhealthy habits and over the past couple of years have regained most of the 75lbs I worked so hard to lose. That in itself has been a not-good mind fuck on me. Add in feeling not good enough in so many regards, it compounded…even with the good I have in my life, I’m still quite unbalanced, though I’m recognizing it and am trying to fight for myself. 

What will age 42 bring me? The top of my list of requests is a new job. I know that’s an underlying shit storm and that string is about to break after so many years of  being truly unappreciated. 

Beyond that…I dunno. I’ve learned so much about myself as a submissive over the past 12 months (that’s the side of me I really didn’t know before), that in ways I feel like a different person. I know what I need to thrive better, and that it isn’t an easy side of myself. She’s needy, and those who really want to embrace her can’t take her lightly. 

Will this year be the answer to things for me? Only time will tell…