A quick question for all polyamorous people

My question is about overnight dates.

I’m curious what type of relationship you need to be in to feel comfortable enough to have an overnight date. New? Long term and committed? Is a FWB okay?

How invested do you need to be? Do you need to be in love with the person, or perhaps sleeping over with someone isn’t something you want to do at all.

I know everyone is different…maybe it’s the former psych major in me that wonders and asks. 


*update* This question is coming from a place of wanting to understand other points of view. It goes along with some processing I’m doing, but it’s from a positive aspect. Personally, I need to be in love with or deeply connected to the person I spend the night with. Sex is one thing, being vulnerably asleep in one’s arms is another. I find it fascinating to see how others think. 

4 thoughts on “A quick question for all polyamorous people

  1. H.H. says:

    We haven’t had a sleep-over with one of Lola’s bulls yet, but I’m eager to see it happen. Maybe soon.

  2. lexxiblue says:

    Depends on what. I need to be in love with someone in order to feel comfortable to have regularly scheduled sleepovers. Otherwise, I can bring myself to do an overnight when going to a special event out of town with someone with whom I am not in love. But that’s me.

  3. Polly says:

    For me I need it to be someone I love, not just an FWB. But I imagine everyone feels differently. Even with my boyfriend who I absolutely love I had some anxiety about it. And also some anxiety about letting my husband have overnights with his girlfriends. But after experiencing both, it’s all good now. 😊

  4. Violeteyes says:

    I’ve had one nighters and I’ve had long-term relationships spend the night. If I’m comfortable enough to have a man in my bed, then I’m comfortable enough to let him sleep there (for one night, at least). Since dating poly, though, my overnight guests have been men I’m dating regularly.

    For me, being single and poly, my requirement for overnights with men I do not yet love is simple – no children in the house. Only my loves are allowed to spend the night when my kids are at home as well.

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