Yearnings and ponderings

I see certain pics or phrases on various sites & I realize how different my life could have been if I knew certain things about myself earlier in life. I can’t deny that growing up I always felt like something was missing, but I had no idea what it was or even how to figure it out. I’m a person with strong thoughts and values, but was also so shy and withdrawn. It really wasn’t until the past year or two when I’ve started to feel like I’m really coming into my own. When I truly started uncovering my kinky submissive side. I’ve learned a lot, but there’s still so much I want to discover. I feel like I’m standing at the beginning of a vast and winding pathway, with many other paths that lead to and from, and intertwine with each other. There’s no right or wrong way, but it’s majestic and has the means to make me feel giddy and fulfilled.

But on the flip side, if I had started to figure that out when I was younger, there’s a lot that I currently have in my life that just wouldn’t be there, and I just can’t stomach those thoughts. Past “what if’s” are what can wreck a person. It’s one of the reasons I asked my husband about opening our marriage all those years ago. I didn’t want to live with regrets.

I also wonder if maybe some of what I picture could still happen in the years to come. How much will I be able to explore of this side to myself. Time and space are really the biggest hurdles especially since some of what I’m thinking is so immersive, so I dunno… It’s just not straightforward at all…

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