Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
The main thing for me is that my husband isn’t drawn to the same kink that I am, though he is supportive in me finding it elsewhere. It’s just very difficult and can be disheartening at times as he withdraws when kink or BDSM is mentioned. When I have a need, I basically keep it out of our relationship and just have to be patient. Also, my D/s is over a longer distance. It isn’t easy, especially when I find submitting in person so much more fulfilling. Trying to figure out what works best when not together is ongoing.
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
- Kinky people have something wrong with them – Just because I have learned that I’m kinky, doesn’t mean that I can’t live a normal life. I’m married, I’m a mother, I have a full time job. My kink is a part of me, but it doesn’t define me.
- All submissive women are doormats – I can’t deny, I used to believe this one. Until just over a year ago, I never thought I could ever be a submissive. A bottom, yes, but I didn’t think I could submit to someone wholly. I’ve since learned that strong independent women can be a submissive as it’s their choice to give over power, and they get to be involved in negotiations and agree upon what power is exchanged.
- BDSM and kink is abuse – When I agree and/or ask my partner to paddle me until my ass is bruised, it’s not abuse because it’s purely consensual. That’s not saying abuse can’t happen, it can happen in any relationship, but rough sex doesn’t necessarily equate abuse. It can be negotiated and agreed upon before hand. Plus there are (or should be) safeguards in place with safe words. This way the Dom/Top knows if the sub/bottom’s limits have been pushed too far. Consent is imperative.
- When someone is drawn to kink, vanilla relationships and/or sex is unfulfilling – For some, this is possible, but it’s not for me. While I have learned that I love pain with my sex, it’s not something that I need all the time. I love slow, soft sex as well. It’s all about connecting with my partner. While at this moment, personally I don’t think I could happily live without some sort of kink or BDSM in my life at least sometimes, I surely don’t need it all the time. Heck, I don’t want it all the time.