This past summer a few of the blogs I follow had done the 30 Days of Kink challenge – http://www.insatiabledesire.com/2010/08/09/thirty-days-of-kink/ and I noted it down to complete at some point. I was in a state of early self discovery in my submission back then, so I really didn’t feel it was the best time to answer some of the questions, as I had no idea where to begin. A friend of mine just started doing this, so I decided to do it as well since I’m feeling more stable about myself these days. I’ve also since been tasked to do it. I won’t guarantee I’ll be posting these daily, but expect them at least twice a week until finished. Enjoy, and feel free to complete it yourself, if you want to and haven’t already.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I identify as a submissive with some switchy tendencies. I am also a bit of a masochist.
For years I vehemently refused to think I’d ever be a submissive. Didn’t a submissive have to serve their Dom and wait on them hand and foot? Weren’t all submissives door mats? Aren’t they needy beings who can’t stand to be by themselves? I have always been sarcastic, smart mouthed, strong willed, independent, and very undomesticated, so this preconceived vision that I had told me I couldn’t. I have always known that I enjoyed and preferred when a man took control in the bedroom, but it’s the rest that I hadn’t known. While these types of submissives exist, I’ve learned they very much aren’t the stereotypes I had thought.
Either way, domestic service in itself isn’t a way that I could ever feel fulfilled with in showing a partner that I care for him, it’s just not me. Though I have found that I am more aware of certain things these days, like if I’m getting up to get myself something, I’ll ask or just get my partner a drink if I noticed theirs is empty, but because I don’t tend to show my appreciation this way, I’ve wondered what type of submissive it makes me… I have struggled with feeling like less in my Dom’s eyes. But then I look at articles like this http://www.thekinkrealm.com/article/101-ideas-make-slave-feel-owned-e-loved/ and find that I’m intrigued by the majority of them on there, so I think maybe I can do this well, and be what he needs…
So, what kind of submissive does this make me? In the bedroom, hell yes. I may bite, claw, and try to do what I want at times, ultimately I am at the mercy of him to do what he wants. I love bondage, both verbal and actual; ropes, cuffs, whatever, I love to be strapped down. I learned early on that I love that bite of pain with my sex, heck I would pinch my own nipples hard for years before I had my first scene. It has grown exponentially since then, but I’m nowhere near the bottom of that well. Floggers of all sorts, whips, cat o’nine tails, paddles, leather straps, bear claws, vampire gloves, hot wax, the violet wand with various attachments…I do love them all. Oh, and hands and teeth. Just his hands and teeth used on me can make my skin and soul sing. I am curious to try all sorts of aspects within kinky play and BDSM, from needle play, to some kitten play; a consensual non-consent scene, to giving myself up completely for a set period of time (like a total power exchange weekend), and beyond.
I mentioned that I switchy tendencies as well. I’ve found that when I play with my poly wife/sister sub Lexxi, I naturally tend to top her. It also happened once with another female friend during impromptu play. I’ve analyzed why perhaps this is, and I figure it’s because it satisfies my need to be strong willed, but also partly because I usually want to go only so far with play with other women, so it’s my way of taking control of what I prefer to do. Plus it’s fun to have a handful of hair, making her go down on a partner’s hard cock, while I make out with him 😀
To me, BDSM is a deeper way to express myself and to connect with my partner. An incredible amount of trust is exchanged. I trust that he will push me but not break me, he’ll help uncover parts of myself that I never fully realized existed. He trusts that I will give him my all, trust him completely, and communicate effectively if something is awry with me. It’s also a way to just let go and shut off my brain. I have found that I am needier than I used to be, in that my submissive side craves to be what my partner wants, needs, and can take from me. I love the way I feel as I embrace this side of myself, the way it quiets my busy mind, and focuses me. That and I love how a good impact session every few weeks clears out the cobwebs in my head. I find there is nothing quite like the endorphin high of flying through sub space…