Psychoanalyzing myself – Contact needs

Since I’ve started my journey of self discovery, my husband Gun has asked me a few times where this girl was back when we met.  My answer to him is that she was buried in my head.  A lot of what people see of me now was the “me” I saw in my head.  There are a few things that have changed though.  The biggest being that I’ve discovered I’m a kinky submissive.  Something on a smaller scale, but no less important are the changes I’ve found that I need in contact, both verbal and physical.

Growing up, I often had 2 close friends at any point in time, which I find interesting looking back at it.  It happened 4 different times in my childhood/adolescence.  I often felt like the third wheel, but not always, however this probably didn’t help my self confidence issues either.  Generally though I was a loner, and had been happy being so.  I’m an only child, and grew up extremely shy.  I was always more on the mature side, and preferred hanging out on my own or with adults, opposed to annoying squealing teenage girls.  I still like my own company and will very happily go about my day and will do chores or errands on my own.

But since I started uncovering me, I find myself feeling quite vulnerable at times and when I do, contact helps keep me stable, brings me back down from that perch.

I guess since the walls I had built up around me have been crumbling (which is a good thing), and my life and relationships are continually evolving, I haven’t really stood on continually solid footing for a while…the structure I’ve held on to so tightly all these years has shifted, and I’m still figuring out how to hold myself steady.  It’s probably why I’ve also found that I feel needier than before too… Way more than I like to feel. It annoys me to no end that I need something I cannot do myself.  Or need someone(s)…

I’m thinking this post will continue as I have more revelations…

I swear, I’ve used my Bachelor of Science in psychology more on myself in the past 4 years than I ever have since I graduated eons ago!

2 thoughts on “Psychoanalyzing myself – Contact needs

  1. Jerry Twomey says:

    It would seem that I crossed a line with you recently sense you didn’t reply. If so I am truly sorry. You and Lexi are two of only four people I have tried to reach out to. I truly like and respect you as a person. I have learned a lot from you about others as well as myself. Any way I have found that contact means much more to me than I was willing to admit. I enjoy your posts and want you to know you do have some fans out here even though there will never be any physical contact. Thanks for sharing.

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