Compersion

I will fully admit, I’m totally excited for Lilly to get here. For those who don’t know, Lilly is Gun’s girlfriend who lives in the States.  We just got word from her boyfriend Rigger that she’s at the airport. Gun is picking her up on our end later this evening.

I just love seeing him excited. He’s been supportive in my relationship with Erik, so I’m glad I can give some of it back to him. These relationships are different from the quad as they aren’t connected to each other, they don’t have us still connected in a way. They’re something for ourselves. Plus they’re newer.

I haven’t seen her since March, and Bob and Lexxi will get to meet her tomorrow night. A few of us are going out to the local swingers club on Saturday to party on Halloween. It should be a fun weekend.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I just wanted to gush about being excited for my husband’s girlfriend to get here 😄

Neediness

I am an only child, one who was extremely shy growing up.  I did almost everything by myself and really didn’t feel like I needed anyone else.  I’ve always been staunchly independent and still shake my head at women who can’t seem to do anything for themselves, or always have to have someone with them.

I enjoy my own company.  Overall, I like myself.

I ended up marrying a man who isn’t too big on showing affection.  If he’s like that because of how I was when we met or not, I’m not sure, but he’s not big on PDA’s or the need to be with me 24/7 (that last one would annoy me anyhow).  He doesn’t like to go shopping, so I’ve never really asked him to.  Plus it’s easier to get certain things done when he’s not there…he’s a worse impulse buyer than I am at times.  I really don’t have a problem with any of this, I’m writing it here more to give you background on myself.

The thing is, since we started our non-monogamous journey, I’ve discovered that I enjoy attention, showing affection.  I’m not sure if it’s a side effect of my ever crumbling outer shy walls, or something I’ve learned about myself.  Probably a combination of the two.  Either way, there seem to be parts of me that crave it, need it.  These feelings seem to come out stronger when I’m hormonal and PMSing, or if I’m in the throes of sub drop.  I find myself conflicted; not wanting to admit that I need anyone, but basically screaming on the inside that I do. These feelings seemed to have gotten stronger since I’ve been uncovering my submissive side.  When I’m feeling this, I’m not sure how to handle it.  I tend to try stuffing it back down, and to soothe myself with activities I enjoy, like colouring, having some wine or chocolate, a hot bath, or snuggling with my husband.  I breathe deeply, and push through, as I know it will pass.  It sort of helps, but I can’t deny that it also makes me feel somewhat lonelier…

I’ve been figged!

One thing Bob has been teasing Lexxi and I a lot over the weeks about was the possibility of being figged. For those who don’t know what that is, basically it’s shaving a piece of raw ginger and using it as a butt plug. It’s supposed to burn like hell, and is commonly touted as a punishment in a D/s relationship. Lexxi had vehemently *not* wanted to try it. 

Me, being somewhat of a masochist said “sure, I’ll give it a try.”  I could hear Bob’s evil laugh across the hundreds of kilometres…  

Erik told me how it’s supposed to burn for ages after it’s removed. He said he’d “laugh and laugh and laugh” at me when Bob mentioned he’d live tweet it. Gee, thanks for the encouragement there babe 😒😜.

The weekend before last, was it. The quad went out to grab something for dinner, and Bob chose his weapon as it were. He whittled that ginger into various plug shapes, teasing me by holding a piece to my clit before hand. The warming sensation slowly came over that area, and stayed for a while after it was removed. That made me wonder how it would feel inside my ass.

Kids in bed, Bob led me to the futon we have in the basement and told me to strip. Gun and Lexxi were around the corner and could hear and somewhat see everything happening. 

I laid face down and he slid a piece of ginger into my ass…I wiggled at the invasion. 

  
It started to warm pretty much immediately. Bob rubbed my ass and smacked it. Rub and smack. The burning increased and my breathing quickened. Breath hitching, I started to pant. That’s a technique I find I use with impact play and it’s feeling somewhat intense. It’s a way to focus through the pain to the sensation below it. 

I felt Bob move away slightly, then felt the heavy thud of Igg and Ook on my thighs, ass, back, and shoulders. God damn I love those floggers…they did their job and made me zone out. I felt those instead of the increasing burning in my ass. 

  
He then put those aside and I felt scraping across my ass. Ooh, the bear claws. My new favourite toys… I was panting and trying to control my breathing. Not easy. I was also trying not to make too much noise as our kids were 2 floors up. Biting the pillows below me, I could feel me struggling to keep in control. The burning in my ass was at an epic high, and had been for a while. Bob kept whispering what a good girl I was being, taking this so well. 

  
After he finished with the claws. He rubbed and kneaded my thighs. His hands moved up to my ass. Squeezing both cheeks, then separating them. That did it. I lost it. The tears fell and I was bawling as I lost that last thread of control. Bob pulled the ginger out of my butt and sat next to me. He enveloped me in his arms and let me savour the release and come down slowly. 

  
I apparently lasted 20 minutes with it inside me. 

My conclusions: holy fuck it was intense. I was happy to report that the white hot burning stopped when it came out of me, and lessened to a warming that I could easily handle. Would I do it again? Yes, but only in a place where I didn’t have to try to limit my actions or noise. It’s not something I’d want all the time, but the more I recall the experience, the more I can say that I did enjoy it. 

I guess I really am a masochist 😈

Thank you Sir 😌

Our first overnight

This past weekend Erik and I had our first overnight alone.  After deciding on a date and talking about generalities of what we’d like to do or not do, Erik planned the weekend and left it as a surprise to me.  He had asked me at one point if I’d like to know where we were staying, but I declined.  I had never been surprised quite like that before, so I was humbled and looking forward to finding out as it happened.

I knew where and when we’d meet (we met at a carpool lot to leave my car, and he drove us down there), and I knew vaguely what type of clothes to pack, but that was it.  So, with my overnight roller bag packed with a not-so-dressy dress, a nightie, a bottle of wine, toiletries and clothes for the next day, I was off.  We slowly made our way down to the city.  Construction and a marathon that was happening that weekend made what should have been barely an hour drive, closer to an hour and a half.

Erik opened the door to the hotel we were staying in.  I immediately noticed signs above our heads that pointed the direction to bank tellers.  I realized it was a refurbished hotel in the financial district.  The original building used to be a bank back in the day, and they had left some of the original signs and details.  The lobby was gorgeous.  The Blue Jays game was on in the lobby bar, and it was busy.  We lined up to get checked in, and had our room cards about 20 or so minutes later.  It was a beautiful room.  To one side there was a king size bed with a dresser and TV, the other side had a little kitchenette with hot plates, dishwasher, washer/dryer and mini-fridge, along with a seating area and another TV.  We wasted no time getting “reaquainted” as it were.  Being able to be together with no time constraints, no worries of interruptions, a big bed and lots of space, just us being able to enjoy each other…it was amazing, and honestly it was a first in the almost year we’ve been together.  Being married and polyamorous, each others’ houses are rarely ever free, and while fooling around while the other’s spouse and/or kids are upstairs has been done, it’s certainly not ideal.  Though it is more comfortable at least than fooling around in a car, which has been our other go-to lol.  Erik had a first of his own that afternoon too, getting a blow job while “the game” was on.  “Isn’t it every man’s fantasy?” he asked me with a chuckle.  I was more than happy to oblige 😀

We cuddled and watched some tv, had a glass of wine, then decided to order some room service for dinner.  After eating we had to decide if we would go on the “excursion” that Erik had thought of, to go see a horror movie that was playing at a local film festival.  Erik’s wife Mia had jokingly bet both of us that we’d never make it out of the room lol.  I won’t deny, there was a big part of me that just wanted to stay right there with him the whole night, but another part of me wanted to go out to the city and not worry about having to hide.  We decided to go to the movie.  There are tunnels that run under the city that contain stores and restaurants which the hotel is directly connected to.  To get to them, you had to go down a flight of stairs towards the old vault (see picture).  They have converted that area into various party rooms, which were very cool.  We walked hand in hand through the tunnels, then a little outside, and made it there just in time for it to start.  Yes, we watched the movie (it was a packed theatre).  It was interesting, to say the least lol.  We decided not to stick around for the Q&A with the actors/producers after it was over.  It was chillier outside, so Erik pulled me in for a kiss at a stop light to warm me up (it worked by the way 😉 ).  It was busy on the streets with all of the 20-something’s heading off to clubs and bars.  We only got slightly lost in the tunnels once before we made it back to the hotel.

Once back in our room, clothes did not last long, and soon we were lost in each other again.  It was around quarter to two in the morning when we turned out the lights, exhausted and sated.  I’m not much of a cuddler when I sleep, but I ended up falling asleep in his arms.  The next morning we snuggled while waking up.  Then had at each other again once we were awake 😉  We shared a hot shower after that, then it was time to pack up and check out.

Getting out of downtown took longer than usual as a marathon was being run through the streets.  The ride back was a little quiet, I think we were both kind of lost in our own thoughts.  I know I was anyway.  We stopped for brunch before Erik dropped me off at my car in the early afternoon.  We kissed, then headed off in our own directions towards our families.

Since then, I’ve been mentally processing the weekend.  I had a wonderful time.  It was fun, romantic, sexy, amusing, humbling, intense… I think it’s the intense part that has me feeling a little overwhelmed and jumbled.  The intensity has been slowly growing between us over the past few months. I’ve been having difficulty putting it into words, I know it’s not a bad thing, it’s hard to describe.

I’m not sure when exactly we’ll get to see each other next, as our schedules are both rather busy. We’ll figure something out though, until then thank goodness for technology 🙂

#polyproblems

What I find the toughest part of polyamory is being patient.

Relationships basically get put on pause or on super slow-mo between times together. If there’s physical distance of any sort, the time between can be rather significant. When something potentially powerful just happened or is on the cusp of possibility happening, it’s difficult to have to basically “hold that thought” and wait. Especially if your partner(s) is(are) busy, or aren’t talkative over text. Or if you’re trying to figure out your own thoughts and feelings, and aren’t able to really talk them through.

This thought started as a tweet, but grew to way more than 140 characters, so I decided to make a small ranty-ish post instead. 

Those days when you just want a cock in your mouth

I found this on FetLife, and had to share  There are days when I feel just this…<3
The original link is here: https://fetlife.com/users/2420302/posts/3292372 , but for those who don’t have a FetLife account and wouldn’t be able to read it, I copied and pasted it:

Those days when you just want a cock in your mouth ~By InsipidSky

I’ve seriously just been thinking about it all day.

I don’t wanna fuck.
I don’t wanna do anything kinky.
I don’t want throat fucked.

I just want to enjoy a nice, slow, cock sucking.
Where you lick it, and enjoy the taste and texture on your tongue.
An evenly paced deep throating. Where I don’t have to worry about choking or gagging.
Just feel it slide all the way down my throat, until my lips kiss the skin at the base.

I don’t want it to be messy. Or frantic.
I just want to enjoy it for the art form that it is.
I have great lips and a great tongue, and I like to use them.

And when the time comes, I want to feel it get solid in my mouth, right before it starts throbbing.
I want to suck it hard as he cums, to ensure that I get every drop.

Grungy thoughts on a Thursday evening 

Do you remember where you were when you found out that Kurt Cobain died? I do. I had just come home from school. It was my 19th birthday. As a shy, quiet girl who loved grunge (and still does), I’ll never forget the utter speechlessness I felt. Sadness. Thinking what a waste it was for such talent to be wasted away. Kurt was wrong. Living life and fading out gracefully is so much better than burning out.

Context where these thoughts came from: My hubby is out on a date tonight, the kids are doing their own thing, so I decided to watch the documentary Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck.