I’m not usually someone who gets stressed easily, I can take things in stride with little long term effect. Lately though, there have been some stressors that have been hanging in there for months, and it’s really been getting to me the last while.
Early spring had a lot of last minute expenses pop up. With no real relief in sight until October, it’s something I’ve been figuring out how to juggle. Even though we’re managing, it’s still been nagging in the back of my mind.
Gun has been trying to get another role within the company he works for, but seems to keep hitting roadblock after roadblock. My job is hitting its busy season, and with the multitude of things I do at the office, I haven’t been able to get fully caught up from when we were in Cuba back in April. I’m never this far behind on things, and since my boss likes to do as little as possible, a lot falls on me. I also have had no luck with finding a new job, so that’s been disheartening as well.
Erik had a very busy month last month and we didn’t get to see each other, or even talk very often. Since we’re still getting to know each other, I learned a little with how he copes with stresses of his own, and think we’ve figured out how to communicate these things better with each other.
I’ve also been trying to figure out how to balance the need to explore my submissive side, with little opportunity. Bob has been awesome in doing what he can while feeling the way he has. I’ve gotten the odd task, and we’ve talked about things. When we have been able to see each other, we’ve been able to spend some quality Dom/sub time together as well. But the waits between visits aren’t easy, and this one is longer than the last few just because of how weekends lined up. I’ve really been needing an emotional release for a few weeks now, I can feel it building up, but will have to remain patient for the time being.
Erik and I have discussed him helping me with my sub side as well, but haven’t formally done so. Both Erik and Bob agree that they need to talk. They have texted each other, but know they need to have a face to face meet to discuss, well me basically, and to get to know each other a little better. Timing, for one reason or another, has not been on their side, and really won’t again until the end of the summer. They’re styles and approaches are very different from each other. Bob is more of a sadist, and isn’t a 24/7 Dom. When he’s in the zone though, watch out 😏. Even he’ll admit that he has his own way of defining certain aspects, and that he’s very non-traditional. On the other hand Erik is more of an old school Dom, who is in a 24/7 D/s relationship with his lovely wife Mia. I know Erik has hang ups about us exploring D/s together because I already have a Dom, though honestly I don’t know what they are as he hasn’t really voiced them to me. I think I have an idea what some are, through some of his non-answer answers to questions I’ve had, and through a couple of conversations with Mia. The thing is, this situation is unique, it’s definitely not traditional in the BDSM realm. I’m not a live-in with either man, both of their primary subs are their wives. I know Bob doesn’t define Lexxi and I any differently in that regard, but in actuality we kind of are, even if it’s just because of logistics. Anyway, I have been beyond frustrated and stressing about all this for a while, especially the weekend before last when Bob and Gun were at our place for the weekend while Lexxi and I were at a ladies weekend. I was hoping the guys would meet up, but ultimately they didn’t. Last weekend while Mia was at work, I spent the morning and early afternoon with Erik and their young daughter, walking park trails and then having lunch. Even though nothing was resolved in our talking, I ended up feeling more at peace for the moment. Stressing was getting me nowhere, other than on the edge of tears almost constantly. Also, I really do think that it can be eventually worked out, I just need to be more patient. And if need be, this opinionated sub in training will definitely voice her own opinions. Hey, what you want will never come true if you don’t say what it is 😉
To add to everything the kids’ Xbox One died the other week, so that’s another thing that needs to be dealt with. Plus I need to set up an appointment for our Husky to get spayed. Our oldest graduates grade 8 next week. Oh, and we still need to figure out what to tell the kids and Gun’s parents when he goes to visit his girlfriend in Chicago next month. It’s never a dull moment around our house!
In the mean time I’ve just been trying to enjoy the little things. Reading a good book, playing with the dogs, spending some time with the kids and Gun, enjoying a glass of wine, hanging out with friends… they all help, and remind me that I have a fantastic life, even with everything going on in it.