A couple of theories were brought forth to me recently, that I’m bratty because I haven’t been disciplined properly. That’s possible, although I have always been sarcastic by nature so I believe that’s where a lot of my inner brat resides, and honestly that part ain’t gonna change. Also, that some of my needs aren’t being met. When I heard those words from Erik, it was like an arrow to my soul. A wave of realization and understanding enveloped me, emotion bubbled up fast. I felt tears sting my eyes, and had to breathe deeply to try to keep them in check. I did a shitty job of that, but was able to keep myself from bawling.
A thread on bratty behavior was posted in a BDSM group I’m in on Facebook. A couple of the girls replies reiterated my feelings (see pic).
Yes, I guess I do feel like some of my needs aren’t being met. Gun sure does a great job at a lot of them, but there are others that he knows he can’t touch. The thing is, I don’t fully know what those needs are, or maybe I’m just not sure how to put them into words yet.
Bob has mentioned to me that he is wanting to read up on long distance subs, as it’s not something he’s had to deal with before. Unfortunately, with us being 500km/5 hours apart, it’s necessary. He’s amazing at doing what he can from the distance, but we’re working on bettering that. While Erik and I have said that exploring D/s on the table, nothing has officially been discussed as of yet. I could never go looking elsewhere for that type of relationship. Believe me, I thought long and hard about it last summer. The conclusion I came to then is strengthened even more now that I have started to truly uncover that side of myself. I need an emotional and friendship connection established before I could really trust a Dom. There are just too many weirdos out there, especially if they hear you may be looking for a Dom.
As I told Erik, I believe what I want is within grasp, but there are things that are still working their way into place.
To clarify – I am not a brat to gain attention, or to be rude. I’m just naturally a strong and independent woman who questions, and has a dry, sarcastic sense of humour. I don’t want that to change, and I don’t think it could. It’s who I am, take it or leave it.