I have come to realize that I can be needy…greedy even. Maybe that’s from so many years of repressing my thoughts and feelings, that since unleashing this side of me and being more open, I just can’t hold back on saying what I want anymore. What it’s seeming that I need.
Since identifying a part of my relationship with Bob (he’s my Dom, I’m one of his sub’s), I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research. I was asked by both him and Erik what I wanted out of the D/s world. Having had very little experience, I know that my projected wants will evolve and change, but since preliminary identifying some things, the discussions seemed to have stopped.
This past weekend, a quad weekend, Bob brought his new flogger to use on Lexxi and I. Damn, that thing is awesome 😍…I wished it could have lasted longer, been harder, and more indepth. I ended up sitting at Bob’s feet, head curled into his lap, with tears in my eyes. Lexxi thought I was needing aftercare, but honestly I wasn’t even close to that point. The tears were for a couple of reasons. First, absolutely loving the feeling, and just enjoying the moment. After 5 weeks of waiting, it was the beginnings of something I’ve learned I love. Second was kind of sad. I mentioned to Bob I’d love to try a flogger with the beads at the end. His reply was “couldn’t use that everyday.” My first thought was that there was no way I’d ever get that every day. So I took a deep breath and just let the current experience happen (he was still lightly switching my back). The rest of the weekend was up and down for many reasons, but I really didn’t get to connect with Bob much again. Having my kids home all weekend didn’t help, as conversation couldn’t be free at any time of the day.
Today as the afternoon as progressed, the need inside me started to scream. Knowing the first step was to talk to Bob, I broached the subject and we agreed to talk tomorrow evening.
The last time Erik and I discussed that, it was put on the table, but left like that. I have no idea what’ll happen there, what he wants, or anything in that regard really. I’m still getting to know him, so am just trying to not overthink that part. To just let whatever develops happen.
Throughout this, lucky Gun gets to support his needy, greedy, currently PMSing wife, as he’s the one who lives with me 😜.