My old self was very shy and withdrawn. I didn’t express my true thoughts well at all. Since I found a voice and asked to open our marriage, I’ve been breaking through the walls I had up around myself.
One thing those of us in this lifestyle preach is communication. Open communication between all involved partners. With technology as it is, phone calls, texting, and Skyping all help make staying in touch and communicating that much easier. The thing is, it can take some practice to be able to effectively communicate in other mediums.
Having been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now, my ability to state what I want, need, or how I feel through text has improved dramatically. Phone calls and Skype sessions are great, but you need to be in a more secluded environment (meaning no kids within earshot) to be able to have any serious discussions those ways. Plus honestly, I find it easier to communicate through text sometimes rather than in person. When face to face with someone, I sometimes find myself wanting to revert back to my old self. To withdraw, close up, hide within myself. I’ve gotten better at halting that process, taking a deep breath, and letting it out. One thing I’ve found now that the walls have been lowered, is that I am quite an emotional being. When I’m feeling anything intensely, be it sad, angry, or happy, I cry. When the tears start to fall, it can be difficult for me to get words out verbally. Texting however is easier. I can be bawling, and still be able to communicate by written word.
Face to face communication is the most effective though, as you get things through it that you can’t via text. A look, a touch, voice inflection, body movements. In person communication is always the best, but there are times that location and circumstances just don’t allow that, and using other methods becomes a necessity. I believe that being able to use the other forms effectively is good to have in your arsenal in non-monogamy.