Waiting at the open door 

I have come to realize that I can be needy…greedy even. Maybe that’s from so many years of repressing my thoughts and feelings, that since unleashing this side of me and being more open, I just can’t hold back on saying what I want anymore. What it’s seeming that I need. 

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Communication and Emotion

My old self was very shy and withdrawn. I didn’t express my true thoughts well at all. Since I found a voice and asked to open our marriage, I’ve been breaking through the walls I had up around myself. 

One thing those of us in this lifestyle preach is communication. Open communication between all involved partners. With technology as it is, phone calls, texting, and Skyping all help make staying in touch and communicating that much easier. The thing is, it can take some practice to be able to effectively communicate in other mediums. 
Having been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now, my ability to state what I want, need, or how I feel through text has improved dramatically. Phone calls and Skype sessions are great, but you need to be in a more secluded environment (meaning no kids within earshot) to be able to have any serious discussions those ways. Plus honestly, I find it easier to communicate through text sometimes rather than in person. When face to face with someone, I sometimes find myself wanting to revert back to my old self. To withdraw, close up, hide within myself. I’ve gotten better at halting that process, taking a deep breath, and letting it out. One thing I’ve found now that the walls have been lowered, is that I am quite an emotional being. When I’m feeling anything intensely, be it sad, angry, or happy, I cry. When the tears start to fall, it can be difficult for me to get words out verbally. Texting however is easier. I can be bawling, and still be able to communicate by written word.
Face to face communication is the most effective though, as you get things through it that you can’t via text. A look, a touch, voice inflection, body movements. In person communication is always the best, but there are times that location and circumstances just don’t allow that, and using other methods becomes a necessity. I believe that being able to use the other forms effectively is good to have in your arsenal in non-monogamy. 

Hope *Kinklings Topic*

It’s been a long time since I completed a post for the FetLife group that I’m in. I’ve been meaning to for the past few, but don’t really have a good excuse.

Hope…what does it mean to me? Ultimately, the possible future. There are a lot of things I hope for.

I hope that my family stays healthy. I hope that my kids grow to have happy lives. 

I hope that my quad will one day reside in the same geographical location. LDR’s are difficult, but we’re making it work. Really though, I can’t see this possibly happening before we’re all retired. Family and job obligations keep us all tied to where we currently are. But the hope is still there. 

I hope to continue my exploration of BDSM soon. I’ve expressed my wants, and am left waiting patiently. 

I hope the relationship I’m developing with my boyfriend keeps going, now that we seem to be back on track. I’ve also really enjoyed getting to know his wife, and hope she becomes a good friend of mine (so far, so good in both circumstances.)

I hope my husband, and my poly spouses find and get what they want. Be it job wise, and/or in other relationships. I love them all and want them to be truly happy. 

I hope my best friend of over a decade recovers the best she possibly can from the major surgery she had on her back earlier this week. She’s a tough cookie, but has a long and arduous road ahead of her. 

Hope is what can get us through rough times, helps us look towards the light. Hope is what keeps us human, keeps us going. As long as we have hope for something, our lives feel like they have meaning.

If we lose hope in our lives, then there’s a major cause for concern. 

I hope that I mean something to some people. I have a few that definitely mean something to me, and they help instill hope in me…