Life has been awesome, but really busy lately. With this, I’ve had a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head. Some I’ve gotten out already, some are still working their way clearer. I find that writing stuff out can help organize my thoughts and feelings, so I’m going to attempt that here.
I think I will header the various topics, that way it doesn’t seem like I’m rambling…too much. Lol
Up until a week ago, the only overnights that Gun and I have spent with anyone else were with members of our quad. With he and I now having relationships of some sort outside of the quad, and not really being able to bring a date or fwb to our house (and the same circumstance really with our dates’ houses) to just play, we had been discussing using a hotel. Since they aren’t cheap, getting one for just a few hours was not worth it. For me, I couldn’t spend overnight with just anyone, it would have to be with someone I have some sort of deeper feelings rather than with than just a fwb. Gun’s feelings on the matter are different, he sees it as just a change in place to play, and doesn’t put more meaning on it than that. Understanding this, I had no objection in him getting a room for he an his most recent fwb to stay overnight. I wasn’t impressed with the timing of it (having it be a day after he got home from an 11 day business trip), but know this girl had practically been begging him for a few weeks now, so let it go. I was happy to find that when it was happening I was fine with it. I had no envy or jealousy feelings while he was there. The only part of the thing that has pissed me off is that she didn’t even offer to split the room cost with him. I find that completely rude and selfish on her part. I won’t deny the thought of spending an overnight with Erik has crossed my mind, but figure I’ll cross that bridge when/if it appears.
I know Lexxi has been having her own thoughts and feelings with Gun and I having some sort of relationship outside of us 4, but she’s been talking to us throughout and I think she understands that our feelings haven’t and won’t change, and that we aren’t going anywhere. Bob hasn’t said much other than he’s happy I’m happy. I find that since meeting and falling for Erik, I’ve actually been looking forward to quad weekends more (is that possible??), but also find I’m not focusing, dwelling, and pining so much between visits. I’ve been just enjoying our time when together instead of feeling like I’m trying to make up for all the lost time in between. Not that I don’t always miss them, I wish they were around the corner and we could easily stop in last minute. There’s nothing like shopping with your BFF, or being able to snuggle watching a movie with a love. But we aren’t right there, so I’m trying to focus on the positive.
I have been thinking a lot lately on exploring more aspects of BDSM. To this point, Bob has been my guide in the bulk of it, but we’ve never formally identified that part of our relationship. The next time we’re together (next weekend 😃), we’ll be having that long overdue conversation. So far my experience has mostly been being restrained and pain play. I’ve had an introduction to choking, and have also been commanded and guided to do things a lot more lately, the last part even Gun has done too. The control aspect is a part that I’d like to also explore. I see images on Twitter of women kneeling, collared, giving up control, that intrigue me greatly. I’ve also never hidden that shibari (artistic rope play), is something I want to delve into. I do love to be restrained, I want to try other ways of being bound. Plus, I think that it just looks so beautiful.
Well, I think that’s it for now. It’s been a lazy Sunday morning here, and I have laundry to do (boo), and a coffee date with Erik later (yay 😉).