One thing that’s been on my mind a lot lately is BDSM. I’ve spoken before about how I go through periods where I crave it, absolutely ache for it. Well, I just went through one of those times, but that’s not the only reason it’s been prevalent in my thoughts.
The guy I’ve been seeing for the past couple of months (I need to find a “name” for him for blogging purposes lol) has squeaked open a door to himself recently, and I caught a more detailed glimpse of a side of him he’d very vaguely hinted at before. I asked him where he could possibly see our relationship going, and while nobody can predict the future, and everything is still evolving and ongoing, he made reference to a sort of D/s type thing without actually saying it. Then add in when speaking with his wife on Friday, I discovered their relationship has been one of that for years, my thoughts were rampant. I was kind of freaked out, but intrigued at the same time. It isn’t something I’d ever have thought of considering before, but since trying a few things and really enjoying them, I’m curious. I’ve written before about how this is not my hubby Gun’s thing. He can be assertive in bed, and I know does try to be even more often knowing that I love it (as does Lexxi), but overall it’s just not him. He’s stated that he can feel inadequate because he can’t provide this outlet for me himself, but is supportive in me exploring it with ones he trusts. I know I enjoy being restrained, the pain play, and rough sex, I’m called a bratty bottom by my poly hubby Bob. It’s the rest I’m unsure about, but also curious about. I’m a fiercely independent woman, who can enjoy being alone, and does a lot for herself. Being a shy only child instills that in one. When I hear about a woman who won’t do something without her husband, needing to wait until whenever he’s ready, I roll my eyes. Just do it yourself girl! I guess it would be different if it’s an agreed upon power exchange, a command, per se, but I don’t know… Some of my ponderings are moot anyway, since I don’t live with a Dom.
My BDSM thoughts are even compounded after our last quad weekend. Bob has been wonderful in helping guide me into this, to experience things. Saturday night was the first time Gun had seen Bob and I scene together (it had only happened twice before). He watched for a bit, and I watched him watching me too. He told me after that as soon as he watched us for a minute he knew that Bob was in his element, definitely a Master of that domain. Bob considers himself more of a sadist than a Dom, more because being a full-time Dom takes a lot of work and energy. Though he could easily become one if he chose to as it’s inherent to him.
Anyway, my brain seems to be drained at the moment, so I think that’s it for now…