Since we opened up 3 years ago, the majority of the people that we’ve been in contact with have been as open as Gun and I are. At least the ones that we’ve connected with, and formed a friendship with. Easy going chatting online has transferred easily to easy going talking in person. The ones that we’ve let in, have been let in fully once they’ve gained our trust, and vice versa. I’ve been struggling recently.
The guy I started seeing recently is more of a private person. There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m just not used to it to this degree.
We’ve been talking now for about a month. We’ve seen each other 4 times in the month, and have been texting daily. I know enough to trust him with the basics, and know I want to discover more. We talk so easily on 98% of topics. I’ve let down so many walls in the past few years, that I know I’m more emotional than I’ve ever been, and I just can’t turn it off, some walls will never go back up again as they’ve crumbled, disintegrated. Overall, it’s not a bad thing, but it can make me feel like a weepy fool at times, now being one of them. I won’t deny that it hurts that I haven’t received the same, but I don’t fault him. He’s been open enough to let me know that he’s cautious. I appreciate that, I respect that, I would never push that, but it still smarts.
Anyway, I will shake it off, and continue to enjoy myself. I’m having fun getting to know this guy. He’s fun to talk to, and keeps me on my toes. Plus, I can picture him hanging with my loves and fitting in great. This is new territory for me, but I’m happy to venture there. To see what happens…