Our “rules”

We’ve been talking a lot about rules for alone play within our poly quad lately. With us all getting into (or back into for Gun and I) playing alone recently, it’s been discussed a LOT.

We’re essentially dating for four, even when we play alone. It’s not just you to consider like before being married, or even you and your spouse like when swinging. We’re fluid bonded, so one persons decision could possibly impact three others. It’s very different than swinging or group play when you’re with your primary spouse.

I thought I’d share the “rules” that Gun and I have come up with, that work well for us. Some of these we’ve had since we opened up, others have evolved as we’ve gained experience.

1. To discuss and consult on play date days and times as soon as possible. For example, if I was talking to a new guy and we wanted to meet, I’d let Gun know when it’s first mentioned, look at our calendar, then let him know the final decision as soon as it’s made.

2. To know where the other person is. We use an app on our phone that can essentially “stalk” each other if need be. It’s really more for safety sake, and it eases Gun’s mind when I’m out with a guy he doesn’t know.

3. Condoms are a must. This one should be the top of the list, but I wrote them down more in order of making a date. This one is a hard rule, no brainer in this lifestyle in my opinion.

4. Sex with others, when at our house, will take place down the basement. We have two couches and a futon down there, more than enough places. Our bed will be for us and our quad only. This was a relatively recent one that we agreed upon.

5. This last one is a new one. Gun and I have recently realized that when we know each other’s play date, to a degree at least, it helps ease our minds and not feel panicky. So going forth, any play partner that progresses to sex, the spouse will talk to them somehow. Be it text, in person, twitter, whatever. It also qualifies that we’re on the same page and that we’re not hiding anything.

You may be able to tell from these that I don’t like surprises, as much as possible. Though I know they’ll happen from time to time. Even just tonight, Gun met a lady for coffee at kind of the last minute, but he made the effort of letting me know he was going, texted me the location, and pretty much stuck to the time frame he said it would be for. Actually he let both Lexxi (his wife#2) and I know all this at the same time, as soon as he had it figured out.

Anyway, we’re all adjusting to alone play, some of us better than others, at our own speed. We just need to remember that just because we fuck others doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. But being reminded that every now and then sure doesn’t hurt.


7 thoughts on “Our “rules”

  1. IAmOpenToIt says:

    Thank you for this. Knowing some rules that others have established can help in my newly opened relationship.
    We are only really different in one rule that we have… Not at our house. Home is for us only, similar to your bedroom.
    Im really interested/like the idea of pre-establishing how far the date will go. Is that a pretty fluid rule? I.e. You plan for coffee and maybe some making out but things get hot and heavy and it goes further. How does this play out? Call/text and say “hey she/he was a great kisser and now I want to give/receive oral?” Or just communicate what happened after?
    Good info!

    • Krystalla says:

      Thanks! Our house is rarely ever used because our kids are home a lot. We’ve found the “where” is a tough thing to find, as paying for a hotel isn’t cheap, it’s honestly one of the reasons we don’t play alone very often. This rule we also use in our swinging rules or guidelines.
      As for the rule of pre-establishing that nights boundaries, it’s done for a reason, so we don’t move too far too fast. If chemistry is good, then that bodes well for the next date when it will most likely progress. It’s a rule we added after a while, from our own trial and error, and works well for us.
      We both have bent and broken rules before, but when it happens, we talk about it. Decide if what happened should alter or change a rule or maybe make it more steadfast.

  2. Sweetlollipop says:

    Thank you for sharing this. Very intriguing. I’m curious, how do you work out when there is a disagreement? Let’s say you and Gun don’t agree on some aspect …

    • Krystalla says:

      Then we talk about it, try to see each other’s point of view on whatever it is, and either keep it, alter it, or scrap it all together. These rules have evolved since we started. None are static (except condoms lol). Luckily, thus far, we haven’t had any major disagreements on any of them.

      • Ok.

        It really shows how strong of a couple you need to be because if anyone’s “selfishness or greed” gets in the way…disaster!

        A fear I guess I have in considering this LS full on with a partner.

      • Krystalla says:

        It’s not an easy LS, definitely not suited for everyone, and takes a lot of hard work. Moreso than a normal, monogamous relationship. Especially since we seem to have our feet in all the pools out there (open, swing and poly).

  3. sweetgunnar69 says:

    The one thing that I want to add to this is that the Rules are there to protect both ourselves and the potential partner. We have had some serious assumptions at the beginning and with each date we talk and clarify fears and concerns.
    These rules work for us. The one thing about the lifestyle, either opening marriage or swinging, no one has same the rules and can go as far as a little as they want. Communication is so important which is why we talk (in person) about what happen. This allows to share with each other the experience. Depending on what the partner wants to hear. Like I stated these rules our for us and may or may not work for everyone.
    Oh to clarify a question above the limit for the date does not change. It is a hard limit there for a reason. Primary to protect the person on the date along with not surprising the partner at home with “Oh by the way I gave him a blow job.” as an example. There was side of cream discussed for the date it was a meet and greet and to the partner it can be a little upsetting.
    One last point, you will fuck up. Things will happen that you are not expecting. Just make sure that all actions are for the both of you since you are dating like you are two. You just may not have your partner with you at the time.

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