We’ve been talking a lot about rules for alone play within our poly quad lately. With us all getting into (or back into for Gun and I) playing alone recently, it’s been discussed a LOT.
We’re essentially dating for four, even when we play alone. It’s not just you to consider like before being married, or even you and your spouse like when swinging. We’re fluid bonded, so one persons decision could possibly impact three others. It’s very different than swinging or group play when you’re with your primary spouse.
I thought I’d share the “rules” that Gun and I have come up with, that work well for us. Some of these we’ve had since we opened up, others have evolved as we’ve gained experience.
1. To discuss and consult on play date days and times as soon as possible. For example, if I was talking to a new guy and we wanted to meet, I’d let Gun know when it’s first mentioned, look at our calendar, then let him know the final decision as soon as it’s made.
2. To know where the other person is. We use an app on our phone that can essentially “stalk” each other if need be. It’s really more for safety sake, and it eases Gun’s mind when I’m out with a guy he doesn’t know.
3. Condoms are a must. This one should be the top of the list, but I wrote them down more in order of making a date. This one is a hard rule, no brainer in this lifestyle in my opinion.
4. Sex with others, when at our house, will take place down the basement. We have two couches and a futon down there, more than enough places. Our bed will be for us and our quad only. This was a relatively recent one that we agreed upon.
5. This last one is a new one. Gun and I have recently realized that when we know each other’s play date, to a degree at least, it helps ease our minds and not feel panicky. So going forth, any play partner that progresses to sex, the spouse will talk to them somehow. Be it text, in person, twitter, whatever. It also qualifies that we’re on the same page and that we’re not hiding anything.
You may be able to tell from these that I don’t like surprises, as much as possible. Though I know they’ll happen from time to time. Even just tonight, Gun met a lady for coffee at kind of the last minute, but he made the effort of letting me know he was going, texted me the location, and pretty much stuck to the time frame he said it would be for. Actually he let both Lexxi (his wife#2) and I know all this at the same time, as soon as he had it figured out.
Anyway, we’re all adjusting to alone play, some of us better than others, at our own speed. We just need to remember that just because we fuck others doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. But being reminded that every now and then sure doesn’t hurt.