I’ve mentioned before about how I’ve been introduced to some bondage and light BDSM, and how I want to delve further into that. Like, really, really want to. I go through phases where I yearn for it, can feel myself physically ache for it. Today has been one of those days. Actually, I would say it’s been building steadily for a few days, pretty much since I signed up for FetLife and saw there’s a rope play group in my area. I would love to check that out. Problem is, I don’t have anyone I could do that with. My hubby Gun, isn’t a fan of bondage or BDSM. He’s tried it out, and discovered it’s not for him. I respect him fully for that, am happy and appreciate that he tried. I believe my other hubby Bob would go to that with me, but he’s so far away, and this past one was held on a weeknight.
Anyway, I digress. Today particularly I was seeing some pictures on my naughty twitter account that had my mind racing, my breath hitching as I bit my lower lip. Imagining the feel of being in certain positions. Helpless. Left at the mercy of someone I trusted with my whole being…*sigh*
Since signing up for FetLife, I’ve now had 3 (supposed) Dom’s in my area contact me. The first guy, I have zero interest in. Also because he was being presumptuous in asking for a friend request when I’ve never spoken a word to him. The second guy wrote a very detailed letter that got me thinking. The third guy commented on a couple of the pictures I have up there. He was very polite and complimentary, and his profile intrigued me.
As badly as I want to experience more of this, I’m terrified. Well, not with the prospect of exploring more of this with Bob, but timing just hasn’t worked out for the past almost 11 months now. I desperately want to, just have no idea when it can happen as so many factors need to line up for it to happen, and the times we get to see each other are planned in advance, and really are few and far between. It’s a losing crap shoot most of the time. What terrifies me is that I’m actually thinking about what might happen if I do respond to one of these guys, or someone else. I don’t give myself wholly very easily anymore, and I don’t think I could delve into those fetishes with someone who doesn’t have my full trust and heart as well. Let alone, I know Gun would need to fully trust any man I let I to my life like that. Heck, if it wasn’t Bob himself doing it, I think he would want to as well.
So at this point, I don’t know…