Long distance poly problems

If you’ve read my blog, or know me through Twitter, you’ll know that my hubby and I are in a long distance polyamorous relationship with another couple.  We live about 500km apart, which is about a 5 hour drive in decent weather/traffic conditions.  This means that we really only get to see each other for one weekend per month.  It’s tough.  Spontenaity isn’t something that we can ever really embrace.  We’ve had weekends where one or more of us have felt poorly, but we trudge through it as our time is precious.  We’ve had weekends that our kids have been there, so we’d have to be careful and sneak private time where we could.  We’ve also have had many amazing times, just hanging out (as we all are very good friends), and of course many, many, fun sexy times.

Since both us and our paramours are also swingers, we’ve both played outside of our quad (not often, but it has happened).  I can’t deny, it’s something I’m still getting used to.  There’s a bit of envy/jealousy that I deal with whenever it happens.  I find it different than when my hubby and I play alone, I don’t have any negative feelings at all when Gun plays with others.  Now, it’s not “the usual” type of jealousy I feel, I have no problem with Bob playing with other women, that in itself doesn’t bother me.  It’s more that I can’t reconnect with him in person after it happens, and because I can’t be with him whenever I would like to.  So, I’ve figured out a few tricks that help me get through, namely that I don’t want any details until after the entire encounter is over (and then I seem to want all the details 😉).  Also, I like some sort of video conference, be it skyping or using google hangouts on our tablets.  The guys don’t seem to have the same issues that us girls have with this, but they are listening to us and are respecting what we seem to need.

The other issues come from more day to day stuff.  Like if someone is having a bad day, we would love to be there to help out other than being on the other end of a phone.  A well timed hug, or just listening over a cup of tea can go a long way.  I miss the comfortable silences, when you’re just together watching tv or a movie, just being there together. The subtle touches when there’s nothing specific to say, just can’t compare. Not to mention helping plan an event is way easier in person than over a few hundred kilometres, lol.

Even with all this, the benefits of our quad outweigh any of these problems tenfold, we’ve been together for 15 months now and we’re making it work.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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