Deep desires

Over the past year, my thoughts have steered more towards the kinky.  In particular aspects of D/s & BDSM.  I had expressed my thoughts to our foursome and had my first tie-up experience last summer, courtesy of hubby#2 – Bob, on a swap weekend (us girls changed houses for the weekend).  To say that I loved it is an understatement.  A few weeks later, Bob & Lexxi came to stay at our house for their week holidays.  Gun’s & my kids were gone for the week, so we had freedom to do pretty much anything.  One evening ended with Lexxi & I each tied to chairs, sitting back to back, while the guys teased and tortured us with various things (flogger, feather, candle wax, neon wand, hitachi magic wand, not to mention we were both wearing our WeVibes).  It was intense, but oh so fun!

I’ve talked to my hubby Gun about that experience, and anything moving forward in that area of play.  He’s admitted to me that it’s not his thing.  He doesn’t get turned on by it, basically feels indifferent.  I can appreciate that, it’s not for everyone.  I also appreciated his honesty.  Now this type of thing is something that Bob quite likes, and has said he’d gladly help me delve further into…which is awesome as I trust him fully, and I wouldn’t allow just anyone to help me explore this.  There are a few problems though, first is that they live 5 hours away from us.  We can’t just up and do this whenever the mood strikes.  Timing is important & timing has sucked royally since August really.  Either someone hasn’t been feeling well, or our kids have been around.  Also, I’m not sure it’s something we could really do with our spouses around.  I mean, I guess we could, but it would feel weird to me.  It’s more of a one-on-one thing, I think.  Or an all together thing.  I just wouldn’t want Gun to feel left out or uncomfortable at all.  I love him too much for that.

On and off  over the past few months, I’ve had these feelings building up inside me.  This yearning.  An almost soul deep wretching of sorts.  Feels like I need it exorcised out of my body.  It’s hard to describe.  I’ve had them so much so that it has crossed my mind to look for someone local that could help me out with that.  No worries though, I know this is NOT something I could find on a whim, not something I’d want to find on a whim.  The amount of trust involved wouldn’t happen overnight, especially since I am a newbie at even thinking remotely this way.  I couldn’t and wouldn’t risk it.  Funny thing is, the FWB I had last year through the winter would have been happy to help out, but I know Gun didn’t like the vibe he got off him and I wouldn’t even think of going back to that guy.  I wouldn’t want to now anyway, that’s over and done with.

So, in the mean time, I peruse twitter and daydream…

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